She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We are two peas in an std pod
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
