i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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