How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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