guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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