You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
That's when you crack a 10am beer
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
