Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
