I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
