my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
