I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
