Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
