Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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