Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
