im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
only if we run a train.
done.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
