are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
