dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
