So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
