Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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