The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
