dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
