never play flip cup with pint glasses
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
