and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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