Pappa wants mamma naked
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
