remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
