yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
