About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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