I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
