margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
