do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
