so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drunk is not a location!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
