My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
