Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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