We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
