I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
