I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
