I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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