fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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