I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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