two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
