Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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