I accidentally had phone sex last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
