u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
