I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
