i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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