he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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