the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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