im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
