i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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