I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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