I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
