even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
