I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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